Tart and Soul

George Clooney supposedly has a new girlfriend, an Italian actress/model who appears in skimpy bikinis in paparazzi photos.  Of course, she’s young and hotter than an Arizona summer.  And if you’re George Clooney or any famous fella, that’s exactly how you like it.

I’ve always had a thing for Clooney and alpha-males like him.  Dynamic, politically active (or at least aware) men with creative streaks and chiseled jaw lines drive me absolutely batty.

Thus, I can’t help but feel disappointed when these guys choose women who seem to offer little more than boobs, bums and gams.  Gorgeous George can’t seem to find anyone to bed except swimsuit models, soft-core porn actresses and cocktail waitresses.  True, I don’t know these women.  Perhaps they’re all secretly working on PhDs in molecular biology.  If so, you’d think George might want to clue us in on the fact.

Exceptional men have their pick of the ladies.  So, why do so many of them fail to choose women who match them?

I’ll admit it.  I’m green with envy.  I’m certainly no supermodel or porn actress (well, there was that one time…) but I’m not a dog and do have a mind.  However, I might give it up just to be hot enough to have access to a pool of exceptional men.  We commoners realize movie stars are out of our league, still it’s a bummer to watch smart men pass over smart and sexy women in favor of pretty dipshits.

So, I’m doing Clooney a favor.  I’ve found five stunningly gorgeous women who also have fantastic jobs, brains and talent.  George, I recommend giving one of these ladies a call.

Natalie Portman (Actress)

She’s a Harvard grad, a master of the stage and screen and beautiful as a nymph from a Shakespeare play.  Any guy’s social stock would rise with Nat who counts thespian Javier Bardem and genius writer Jonathan Safran Foer as drinking buddies.  If you saw her rap on SNL, you know she also has a sense of humor.  Here’s a quote from Natalie: “To get a real deep, nuanced understanding of human behavior, art is the best way.”  Do Italian models use words like ‘nuanced?’  I think not.

Luciana Léon (Congresswoman, Peru)

How ‘bout this, George?  A gorgeous, buxom, blonde…wait for it…politician.  And she’s from South America, we know how you dig foreign chicas.  Luciana was voted one of the most beautiful female politicians on the planet.  She’s from a center-left party which means she’s a good liberal like you.  Plus, she got in trouble for staying silent while her politician dad accepted bribes, which means she has a naughty side.  George, I can just imagine you salivating into your Armani necktie.

Alicia Keys (Musician)

While her peers shake their backsides singing about trifles, feisty Alicia dominates the stage with a piano and pair of pipes that blow her bootylicious competition into the audience.  She once said, “as artists we used to be way more instrumental in providing a soundtrack to the heartbeat of what’s going on in the world.  We all don’t have to think the same thing but it’s important to state what we think.”  See, George?  Girlfriend is deep.

Tamara Mellon (Entrepreneur)

Tamara has that lanky, big-boobed brunette thing you seem to adore, but as the founder and president of Jimmy Choo, she has smarts, too.  She was ranked one of the richest women in Britain, which means she won’t be after your wallet.  Seems she dated Christian Slater, so she knows her way around the whole “Hollywood thing.”  Apparently though, she’s a conservative, but I’m sure you know how differing political opinions can set off fireworks in the boudoir.  George, I so like her for you.

Ghida Fakhry (Anchor, Al-Jazeera English)

Ghida, an anchor on Al-Jazeera English, is so breathtakingly beautiful, she may just become my new female crush.  And Ghida has one of those soothing, smart-sounding journalist’s voices that will lull you to sleep over the phone when you’re on location.  As you’re trying to rub shoulders with global leaders and UN officials, wouldn’t it be better to have a woman on your arm who not only knows where Afghanistan is, but can spell it?

Bonus!!

Beautiful, accomplished, with a body that won’t quit, Halle Berry could be a female Clooney; an Oscar winner, a producer of thought-provoking films and one of the most desirable stars ever to have graced the screen.  She’s already got a baby so won’t bother you for one (though you’ll have to woo her away from her man.)  The two of you could be Hollywood’s new power couple, a rival to Brangelina.  We’ll call you “Galle.”  Or, um, “Heorge.”

So, there you have it.  Six successful, brilliant and foxy ladies who I’m sure would be honored to accept an invitation from Hollywood’s sexiest leading man.

Good luck, George.  And no need to thank me.