Comments on: Am I Unhappy? http://tartandsoul.com/2009/10/25/am-i-unhappy/ A Search for Meaning and Connection - Updated Every Monday Tue, 16 Mar 2010 14:51:20 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: John http://tartandsoul.com/2009/10/25/am-i-unhappy/#comment-405 John Thu, 26 Nov 2009 07:35:07 +0000 http://tartandsoul.com/?p=545#comment-405 I love women, and women that are woman and that act like women. I am a man, and I am a manly man. I don't plan on beating my wife, nor "abusing" her, which nowadays is defined to include things like yelling. What I think is wrong is simple, women are no longer being women, and for that, real men are no longer being real men, so when a woman, who is not a real woman dates a man, who is not a real man, they are left not satisfied with each other, why? Because opposites attract, yes, even in gay relationships, one has to act like a woman for their relationship to work. That's just how the world is, velcro sticks to furry items, furry items don't stick to themselves. To all the young girls out there, don't listen to all this liberal propaganda, you know what is best for you, and how to live your life. Funny, which philosopher has ever said that when a societies men become effeminate, and women masculine it vanishes? Well, I think that as women become more feminist, they vanish, because they end up not procreating and having children, same goes for men too. How is that for Evolution? Perhaps these ideas existed in the past, many time periods too, but its believer just simply never procreated and their stories and ideas died with them! Oh the irony... I love women, and women that are woman and that act like women. I am a man, and I am a manly man. I don’t plan on beating my wife, nor “abusing” her, which nowadays is defined to include things like yelling. What I think is wrong is simple, women are no longer being women, and for that, real men are no longer being real men, so when a woman, who is not a real woman dates a man, who is not a real man, they are left not satisfied with each other, why? Because opposites attract, yes, even in gay relationships, one has to act like a woman for their relationship to work. That’s just how the world is, velcro sticks to furry items, furry items don’t stick to themselves.

To all the young girls out there, don’t listen to all this liberal propaganda, you know what is best for you, and how to live your life.

Funny, which philosopher has ever said that when a societies men become effeminate, and women masculine it vanishes? Well, I think that as women become more feminist, they vanish, because they end up not procreating and having children, same goes for men too. How is that for Evolution? Perhaps these ideas existed in the past, many time periods too, but its believer just simply never procreated and their stories and ideas died with them! Oh the irony…

]]> By: Chaz http://tartandsoul.com/2009/10/25/am-i-unhappy/#comment-373 Chaz Sat, 31 Oct 2009 05:04:53 +0000 http://tartandsoul.com/?p=545#comment-373 On one hand, surely it appears that life is as complex as it has ever been. Although unjust, when roles were defined more narrowly in past generations, was it not less complicated? Are complexities and stress the prices of freedom? Freedom from narrow cultural roles for women... and men in fact. I don't have a clear answer. I do know there is no less illness in today's society than in years gone by. We just exchanged things like polio and tuberculosis for depression, obesity, and addiction. And with few barriers to exodus, relationships provide little emotional security. On one hand, it was extreme to shame and ostracize a walk-away spouse. Today, we are way over on the other hand where walking away for any reason encounters virtually no social resistance. Or any other resistance. Yet I can't see that the pain of the one left behind, particularly children, is an less. It is hurtful to an extreme and costly to an extreme. Yet I am not without hope. I am glad to have found a woman who I share values with. She has a career, she has children, and she has our marriage. Balance is not easy.... I have children and a career too. As you say... happiness does not mean being happy every moment of the day. We certainly do not experience that. We do still experience a lot of happiness though. Just not constant. To us, this is a reasonable expectation. I don’t know how to recommend finding this for anyone else. I simply believe that it is still out there. The balancing act may be harder to achieve. However, there is more help in doing so today than at any other time in recorded history. One thing my wife and I do is keep a realistic perspective on what expectations are projected onto us by our culture, particularly the entertainment and fashion industries. We take care of our health and fitness, but we are cautious not to adopt the unrealistic values and expectations served up to us. This is not easy. But I think we have found what works for us. My post on CSI Miami is all about this... http://yuppieaddict.wordpress.com/2009/05/17/unreal-comparisons-csi-miami-sets-us-up-for-failure/ Again, we are not perfect. My wife does struggle with body image issues and I am a recovering alcoholic. Yet we both feel we are gaining tremendous ground in our respective recoveries. I guess the bottom line is I can see the frustration you refer to. I would also like to offer the encouragement that I believe a sensible balance in life and the happiness that goes with it are out there. It just takes a different set of efforts to find and maintain happiness than in the past. Ciao. Chaz On one hand, surely it appears that life is as complex as it has ever been.

Although unjust, when roles were defined more narrowly in past generations, was it not less complicated?

Are complexities and stress the prices of freedom? Freedom from narrow cultural roles for women… and men in fact.

I don’t have a clear answer. I do know there is no less illness in today’s society than in years gone by. We just exchanged things like polio and tuberculosis for depression, obesity, and addiction.

And with few barriers to exodus, relationships provide little emotional security. On one hand, it was extreme to shame and ostracize a walk-away spouse. Today, we are way over on the other hand where walking away for any reason encounters virtually no social resistance. Or any other resistance. Yet I can’t see that the pain of the one left behind, particularly children, is an less. It is hurtful to an extreme and costly to an extreme.

Yet I am not without hope. I am glad to have found a woman who I share values with. She has a career, she has children, and she has our marriage. Balance is not easy…. I have children and a career too.

As you say… happiness does not mean being happy every moment of the day. We certainly do not experience that. We do still experience a lot of happiness though. Just not constant. To us, this is a reasonable expectation.

I don’t know how to recommend finding this for anyone else. I simply believe that it is still out there. The balancing act may be harder to achieve. However, there is more help in doing so today than at any other time in recorded history.

One thing my wife and I do is keep a realistic perspective on what expectations are projected onto us by our culture, particularly the entertainment and fashion industries.

We take care of our health and fitness, but we are cautious not to adopt the unrealistic values and expectations served up to us. This is not easy. But I think we have found what works for us. My post on CSI Miami is all about this… http://yuppieaddict.wordpress.com/2009/05/17/unreal-comparisons-csi-miami-sets-us-up-for-failure/

Again, we are not perfect. My wife does struggle with body image issues and I am a recovering alcoholic. Yet we both feel we are gaining tremendous ground in our respective recoveries.

I guess the bottom line is I can see the frustration you refer to. I would also like to offer the encouragement that I believe a sensible balance in life and the happiness that goes with it are out there.

It just takes a different set of efforts to find and maintain happiness than in the past.

Ciao.

Chaz

]]> By: Svutlov http://tartandsoul.com/2009/10/25/am-i-unhappy/#comment-372 Svutlov Thu, 29 Oct 2009 21:34:04 +0000 http://tartandsoul.com/?p=545#comment-372 "And they wonder why we get a bit crabby." For women I thought that was only a monthly thing for a few days during the cycle. My wife does a good job of marking the calendar - in our bedroom - so that I will be prepared for the days when she is... a bit crabby. I was of the understanding that men were more likely to suffer from depression and/or mental illness, and were far more likely to commit suicide, than women were. Most of the women I know and work with are actually quite happy, except for those days when their friend comes to visit, so I am inclined to think that the unhappy woman meme is actually a unsubstantiated myth. I am sure if they did a general study on unhappiness, they would find that everybody (male and female) was from time to time unhappy, but that men were more unhappy in their lives than women were. Unhappiness is a state of mind that one can choose to work through, or allowed themselves to be crushed by. I got a great wife, two great kids, good health, an active sex life, and friends, so I choose to be happy, rather than down about impending layoffs, my mortgage payments, my balding head, my disappearing abs, or FOX NEWS and the Republican Party. Svutlov “And they wonder why we get a bit crabby.”
For women I thought that was only a monthly thing for a few days during the cycle.
My wife does a good job of marking the calendar – in our bedroom – so that I will be prepared for the days when she is… a bit crabby.
I was of the understanding that men were more likely to suffer from depression and/or mental illness, and were far more likely to commit suicide, than women were.
Most of the women I know and work with are actually quite happy, except for those days when their friend comes to visit, so I am inclined to think that the unhappy woman meme is actually a unsubstantiated myth.
I am sure if they did a general study on unhappiness, they would find that everybody (male and female) was from time to time unhappy, but that men were more unhappy in their lives than women were.
Unhappiness is a state of mind that one can choose to work through, or allowed themselves to be crushed by.
I got a great wife, two great kids, good health, an active sex life, and friends, so I choose to be happy, rather than down about impending layoffs, my mortgage payments, my balding head, my disappearing abs, or FOX NEWS and the Republican Party.
Svutlov

]]> By: Vaterland Girlfriend http://tartandsoul.com/2009/10/25/am-i-unhappy/#comment-370 Vaterland Girlfriend Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:10:37 +0000 http://tartandsoul.com/?p=545#comment-370 seriously: Backlash by Susan Faludi. i'd send it to you but i don't have enough money, the thing is huge. all about how once we ladies get a few steps forward there's a backlash pushing us down the stairs. And how often the press, (as experts in absolutely everything because they are the press and obviously impartial) having nothing real to write about, often twists statistics to convince some part of their readship that they're miserable. fuck the press, you're happy. me too by the way. seriously: Backlash by Susan Faludi.

i’d send it to you but i don’t have enough money, the thing is huge.
all about how once we ladies get a few steps forward there’s a backlash pushing us down the stairs.

And how often the press, (as experts in absolutely everything because they are the press and obviously impartial) having nothing real to write about, often twists statistics to convince some part of their readship that they’re miserable.

fuck the press, you’re happy. me too by the way.

]]> By: pjay http://tartandsoul.com/2009/10/25/am-i-unhappy/#comment-366 pjay Tue, 27 Oct 2009 14:36:32 +0000 http://tartandsoul.com/?p=545#comment-366 This is a much better article than the one in Broadsheet. You are a good writer. This is a much better article than the one in Broadsheet.
You are a good writer.

]]> By: madame defarge http://tartandsoul.com/2009/10/25/am-i-unhappy/#comment-365 madame defarge Tue, 27 Oct 2009 02:55:54 +0000 http://tartandsoul.com/?p=545#comment-365 Read Status Syndrome and get back to us....It is all about choices and having choices.... Read Status Syndrome and get back to us….It is all about choices and having choices….

]]> By: jen http://tartandsoul.com/2009/10/25/am-i-unhappy/#comment-364 jen Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:53:57 +0000 http://tartandsoul.com/?p=545#comment-364 Hi Laura, i'm curious about the work life balance you spoke about here. did you feel life there was structured so you were able to enjoy personal life more? Hi Laura,
i’m curious about the work life balance you spoke about here. did you feel life there was structured so you were able to enjoy personal life more?

]]> By: TiCo http://tartandsoul.com/2009/10/25/am-i-unhappy/#comment-361 TiCo Mon, 26 Oct 2009 05:20:55 +0000 http://tartandsoul.com/?p=545#comment-361 I'm not sure if you've come across this article already but it makes some interesting points about these 'discoveries' of modern women's unhappiness: http://www.guernicamag.com/blog/1354/barbara_ehrenreich_are_women_g/ I have yet to read the TIME article but at this early stage I'm inclined to agree that much of the origin of this brouhaha can be found in marketing strategy. I also suspect that this links in nicely to some throwback need to encourage women to keep doubting themselves, and to homogenise them - "Women = the unhappy segment of the population". Your post is aptly titled "Am I Unhappy?", as opposed to "Am I, as obvious representative of all women existing in 2009, unhappy?" Studies and their interpretations make for curious and entertaining reading for laypeople but this type of finding doesn't give me anything useful to use in gauging, increasing or trying to understand my own level of happiness. Just as the statistics that tell us the frequency of various side effects of a given medication doesn't inform me how my body will respond once I've downed the pill. I’m not sure if you’ve come across this article already but it makes some interesting points about these ‘discoveries’ of modern women’s unhappiness:

http://www.guernicamag.com/blog/1354/barbara_ehrenreich_are_women_g/

I have yet to read the TIME article but at this early stage I’m inclined to agree that much of the origin of this brouhaha can be found in marketing strategy.

I also suspect that this links in nicely to some throwback need to encourage women to keep doubting themselves, and to homogenise them – “Women = the unhappy segment of the population”. Your post is aptly titled “Am I Unhappy?”, as opposed to “Am I, as obvious representative of all women existing in 2009, unhappy?” Studies and their interpretations make for curious and entertaining reading for laypeople but this type of finding doesn’t give me anything useful to use in gauging, increasing or trying to understand my own level of happiness. Just as the statistics that tell us the frequency of various side effects of a given medication doesn’t inform me how my body will respond once I’ve downed the pill.

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