There must be something horribly wrong with me because Johnny Depp has always left me cold. Sure, if he snuck into my bedroom begging for some lovin’, I wouldn’t tell him to take a hike. But here he is, People’s Sexiest Man Alive again and I’m like, “whatev.”
I never agree with People’s choices around beauty and sexiness. Boring Pierce Brosnan? Frat Boy Affleck? Two-time Sexiest winner Brad Pitt’s another hunk about whom I’ve always been lukewarm. I was down with former Sexiest Men Denzel and Clooney, and still consider JFK, Jr. one of the sexiest men to have ever walked the planet. But the rest of People‘s choices…yawn.
So what better thing to do on a cold Sunday afternoon than sit around deciding who the sexiest men in the world are. Here’s my list.
Edward Norton – He’s scrawny and has a receding chin, but Edward deserves the clichéd “best actor of his generation” title. Ol’ Ed must have something in the sexiness department considering he scored babes Rosario Dawson in 25th Hour and Salma Hayek in real life. Anyone who can make a neo-Nazi hot definitely deserves to be on some list.
Barack Obama – Nobel Prize winner. Devoted family man. Coolest American president who ever lived. Obama is the epitome of sexiness. Now, if he can just pass health care.
David Letterman – Yep. Dave. In high school, I had a major crush on him. He doesn’t offer much in the looks department but the dry, quirky, somewhat mean-spirited wit adds more to his appeal than a pretty face ever could. Plus, you can see in the way he flirts with female guests and fawns over Julia Roberts’ mouth that there’s a love monster within the geek’s body. This latest scandal only proves my point.
Javier Bardem – I saw him a couple times in Madrid and he came off as one of those “serious” actors who think smelling bad is a sign of artistic depth. Seems he doesn’t bathe. Still, Javier’s intensity is the stuff of dirty dreams. His fights with Penelope Cruz in Vicky Cristina Barcelona made you believe co-dependent, mind-fucking romances are the way to go. Even with that weird Coen brothers haircut in No Country for Old Men, Javier’s the bee’s knees.
This Guy Who Rides My Bus – I really need to get over my attraction to tattooed, messily gorgeous meatheads who chain smoke and work in sandwich shops. The one who rides my bus every morning was recently reading a Dummies guide on raising ferrets. Upgrade, Laura, upgrade.
Ewan McGregor – He wears makeup and skirts, sings in musicals and shows his butt all the time in films. Ewan is the cute, wacky class clown who just happens to be easy on the peepers. While his sexier peers have fallen off the cultural radar (Jude Law anyone?) Ewan keeps showing up and giving his all in decent flicks. He ought to instruct his friend Jude on the finer points of career longevity and how not to shag nannies.
Djimon Hounsou – Remember how great Janet Jackson looked in her black-and-white music video, “Love Will Never Do Without You?” I don’t because I was too busy staring at Djimon Hounsou. He’s one of those lucky bastards who gets to look incredible and have talent. Only a god like Djimon could distract anyone from the sexy powder keg also known as Leo DiCaprio, but he did it in Blood Diamond. Then he had to ruin it and marry that Kimora Simmons witch. What a loss…
Lenny Kravitz – When I lived in New York, a friend of a friend was subletting an apartment in Soho. Lenny Kravitz supposedly lived across the street. For a time, five of my girlfriends and I were seriously considering taking on several jobs and living in the cramped place together just to see Lenny walk by the window in his Calvins. Though he hasn’t made an interesting album in a decade and his lyrics are kinda dumb (“my mama said that your life is a gift/my mama said there’s much weight you will lift”), not much more comes to mind when looking at that face than sex.
Don Draper – A handsome as hell, emotionally remote, psychologically tortured cad who can’t keep it in his pants? What a dreamboat! I refuse to read articles about or watch interviews of Jon Hamm, the actor who plays him, because I have a feeling he’s actually a likeable and even shy person. I prefer scumbags like Draper.
Freddie Ljungberg – He’s a Swedish football player. He did ads for Calvin Klein underwear. If there’s any confusion as to why he’s the sexiest man alive, please refer to the southern portion of the aforementioned ad.
Not sure Barack is/was cooler than JFK… wasn’t alive for JFK, but from what I’ve read and heard from my parents and older relatives… Barack has some way to go in terms of coolness.
But hey… that’s just me.
This Guy Who Rides My Bus…..LOL. I love the little stick figure next to the description.
ewan mcgregor has *always* been my favorite. and ralph fiennes.
My list of the top ten sexiest men of 2008 to 2009, not in particular order.
Mark Begich:
In the political left triumph of the 2008 elections, Senator Begich goes nearly unnoticed, but the 47 year old took out the then longest serving Republican Ted Stevens; otherwise known as Senator No. The pro-choice Begich’s victory would later lead to give the Democratic Caucus a filibuster proof majority, but few know that Begich is a dedicated family man with a young son and is married to a very successful young business woman who kept her maiden name.
Tahmoh Penikett:
I felt like I had lost a dear friend after the dramatic conclusion of the great show Battlestar Galatica was aired, and I have to note my favorite actor on that show. Actually that would be Aaron Douglas (Tyrol), but his romantic rival on the show, Helo, played by the Canadian Penikett stands out among the shows young studs. Penikett was originally only going to be in the Battlestar Galatica’s initial mini-series, but fans liked Helo so much they made Penikett a regular actor on the show (and Helo was later revealed to be the father of the human race).
Monta Ellis:
A late entry for the 24 year old thoroughly tattooed Golden State Warriors’ Shooting guard, but I can’t help but think that if he stays healthy and continues to show leadership, then he could be the next Michael Jordan, and he is a lot more photogenic than most athletes are these days.
Naveen Andrews:
It seems like all of the regular actors on Lost could qualify, but the British Born man of Asian Indian heritage, who amazingly plays so well a former Iraqi Republican Guard Officer, really stands out as the best actor and the best built.
David Tennant:
The sexiest Doctor Who yet (though some may say that distinction goes to Christopher Eccleston), gives the appealing appearance of James Bond in Converse All-Stars (at least I think they’re All-Stars), and is also the “Greenest Star on the Planet” and a staunch supporter of liberal causes. Being the star of a tongue in cheek Sci-Fi show, people tend to overlook just how good of an actor the Scottish born Tennant really is. The two Who episodes where the doctor becomes human really showcased his talent, as well as his romantic prowess on the stage. In addition to Doctor Who, Tennant has recently played Hamlet along side Patrick Stewart, and played Richard Hoggart in a dramatization of the 1960 Lady Chatterley’s Lover obscenity trial, The Chatterley Affair (in addition to a lot of other stuff). Popularity link for Tennant:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Tennant
John Barrowman:
Can a gay man be called sexy? I think so. The Second Scot on my list was raised in America, which is why his Character Captain Jack Harkness, who saves the 21st century alongside the Doctor, speaks with a perfect American accent. Like Tennant, he is reported to speak with a Scottish accent with his friends and family. Primarily a stage actor, who has earned awards for his work in musicals, gives an elegance in his performances that literally dispels any beliefs that male bisexuality or homosexuality is icky.
Gavin Newsom:
The very liberal SF mayor who made no hesitancy in showing his support of gay rights and gay rights and gay marriage. Critics will criticize Newsom for messy public affair with his best friend’s, but unlike other politicians he didn’t deny anything or try to cover anything up. He admitted his problem and checked into rehab. For his honesty he was rewarded with more than 70% in his re-election bid. He has since entered into a loving marriage with actress Jennifer Siebel, and the couple recently gave birth to their first child. His supporters were sad to see Newsom drop out of the 2010 governor’s race, but his political career is still strong, and we can all look forward to more from him.
David Souter:
The 70 year old eligible bachelor who helped saved choice.
The HW Bush appointee was initially opposed by NOW, but over the course of his 19 year career as a Supreme Court Jurist he did a lot to protect and defend women’s rights and freedoms. In his personal life he is a DIY kind of guy who does his own home repairs, and had to move from his two story family farmhouse because it was not structurally sound enough to support the thousands of books he owns.
Peter Doherty:
The troubled and drug addicted British punk-rock sensation may be the next Elvis Costello, or even the next Elvis. He has apparently cleaned up, and in 2009 came out with his first solo album, Grace/ to add to his already impressive list of albums he has made with the bands The Libertines and Babyshambles. But in addition to his musical talent he was the face of Roberto Cavalli’s Fall 2007/2008 fashion advertising campaign.
Mick Collins:
The not hugely known front-man of the not hugely known garage-punk band, “The Dirtbombs”, has been a phenomenal guitar player and vocalist for over 20 years now, and may be more well know for his past work with the band “The Gories”, but “The Dirtbombs” is considered one of the best live performing bands, and their most recent album “We Have You Surrounded” – of which Collins wrote and performed almost every song on it – was well received. In addition to being an accomplished musician in the Detroit scene, Collins is also a Unix programmer and a published writer/artist of a furry sci-fi story.
Minor corrections to my last letter
Mayor Newsom had a very public messy affair with is best friend’s WIFE, during his divorce and before his second marriage.
Peter Doherty’s solo album is titled “Grace/Wastelands”.
Sorry for the typos
svutlov,
get your own blog.
don draper, sigh. sigh again. what a cad.
Dennis Oh (O’Neil). Hot.
Thank you! I don’t get the Johnny Depp / Brad Pitt thing either… why date someone prettier than me??
But Letterman & Bardem – oh yes. Do you know MMA fighter Georges St. Pierre? Methinks you’d like him too.
Justin Beiber : god has sent me to be awsome
Edward Norton : I didnt send anyone