My friend Rebecca and I noticed something strange about men when we were living in Spain. Despite the care we took to cultivate our respective “looks” whilst on the prowl (I went artsy, sex kitten Boho, Rebecca was a naughty tomboy), our greatest romantic triumphs never happened when we were all dolled up. During one sweaty afternoon, my friend and I came to realize we were most attractive to men when we were, of all things, jogging.
Rebecca and I made it a habit to run around Madrid’s Retiro Park on sunny days. Always, we went without makeup. Unshowered. Hair in messy ponytails. Mismatched, though admittedly snug, running shorts. Not exactly the most glamorous of looks, but from the cat calls given to us by male passersby, you’d have thought we were Halle Berry and Julia Roberts on Oscar night.
Back in the States, men seem to be equally bowled over by female joggers and, in general, get googly eyed around exercising women. Of course, when women work out, our cheeks are flushed, our lips are moist and we’re panting. Plus, everything female and pretty on our bodies bounces around. Doesn’t take a Freudian scholar to figure out the fantasies the sight might stir in the male mind. Maybe we’re running slo-mo in guys’ heads as they imagine us like Pamela Anderson, Baywatching across a Malibu beach rather than hoofing it on a Bally’s treadmill.
The other day, I went to pick up my one exorbitantly priced beauty expense: a $35 bottle of shampoo. In my world, this is costly but I know there are legions of women who would spend three times that just for the bottled water with which they wash their overly pampered manes.
Anyway, I hadn’t done much to pretty myself up that afternoon. My face was naked save for a line of lip gloss, my hair was in a tight, somewhat fuzzy bun, and I was wearing a bland T-shirt over a boring ol’ pair of leggings. Still, I got checked out more than I had the previous night painting the town red. Two men asked for my number. By the time I got to the store and held that $35 bottle of shampoo, I couldn’t help but ask, “Why in God’s name am I spending this money?”
An article I read said women spend $13,000 on makeup alone in their lifetime. Imagine the green we’re spending on haircuts, bikini waxes and, Lord help us, clothes. Used to be all the luxury makeup and beauty products were for rich, old gals, the rest of us went to CVS. Nowadays, entire cosmetic lines and boutique shops have opened up to sell us $50 eye shadow kits and $120 moisturizing cream. Lots of gals feel they can no longer get away with lip gloss and a cute haircut; they gotta get their eyebrows sculpted, teeth bleached, foreheads Botoxed, biceps and thighs yoga’ed into oblivion. The American cosmetics industry makes over $20 billion a year, while beauty salons alone gross $72 billion of our hard-earned cash. And for what, if dudes can just as easily drool over us doing downward facing dog?
Still, there are two dazzling conclusions to be drawn from this discovery. First, maybe we don’t need to spend the money and time to look like we’re walking the red carpet with Halle and Julia when we’re living normal lives. Men want us to look good, but they seem to like us just as much when we look real.
Perhaps the more fun conclusion to draw is that men no longer have a leg to stand on when they complain about the money they spend on dates with women. These days, a guy may spend $150 bucks on dinner, drinks and a movie. Jack that up to $200 if anyone wants a snack at the theater.
While some of us gals look decent without breaking the bank, think of what those trendy, über-stylish women spend to go on that same date: mani/pedi ($60), facial ($90), eyebrow sculpting ($25), bikini wax ($70), hair style ($65) and pre-date yoga class ($20). A $330 price tag for one night.
Dudes, you so need to be the ones putting out.
Cos I grew up in Oz, NZ and California there was never an emphasis on make-up or high fashion. But the powerful legacy of that is I notice many things that many “glammed-up” girls keep hidden:
- striking shoulders (like Maria Sharapova)
- toned legs (like Steffi Graf)
- elegant necks (like Ana Ivanovic)
- almond eyes with just a hint of make-up
- intelligent eyes
This is not judging by appearance but purely part of that 10-second “yes, I’d like to know more” which we now know has enormous power in our see-a-thousand-people-a-day lives.
And yes, I have followed tennis for years, hence the examples given.
I agree with with your conclusion. I am going to do some research and post it here for clarity. Stay tuned and I’ll be back with the info. I made sure to bookmark the site so I’ll be able to find my way back. LOL Also, if any of you women need <a href="http://www.squidoo.com/best-ab-exercises-for-women" home abs exercises don’t hesitate to begin immediately.
Ooh this is a big can of worms isn’t it? On the one hand men have that whole bogus “anything that moves” reputation. On the other hand we’re supposed to be so picky we won’t give you the time of day unless you’ve busted the budget on personal grooming.
What always surprises me is how surprised women are that we’d be at least as attracted to someone in yoga pants and a t-shirt as when they’re completely done up. It’s a lot like how a lot of men are sure no one will go out with them if they don’t have the right car or job that they won’t even ask.
I mean, yeah, you might still say no, but not even asking?!? And even if you’re not interested it’s… almost never because he doesn’t have the right car or job. Any more than if he doesn’t ask you out it’s pretty much never because you wore the wrong shoes or didn’t do your hair right.
As for those classic dates where he pays and you dress and wax to kill? They’re actually a lot of fun, of course. But I’d always rather ask someone I met first in way more relaxed circumstances — the gym, the grocery store, or maybe if you’ve both got kids then a playground or while you’re waiting for swim lessons.
Point being that both the beauty trap and it’s male counterpart the worthiness trap are, well, traps! Yeah, he should probably be employable and able to get from point a to point b. Yeah, she should probably keep her hair brushed. And both should be healthy and able to hold a conversation. And up to a point more’s nice. But there’s another point where people start overdoing it and… it’s not so much they start being intimidating (though that can happen too) as they stop being as interesting.
So anyway, yeah, I’m not at all surprised that you’d get chatted up in the drugstore checkout line. Whoever you are the real you is almost always more interesting.
—
Bonus point: I’m also always surprised when men or women don’t want their partners to see them with, say, bed hair or “morning face.” If nothing else you’ve usually both worked pretty hard, and one hopes had a good time, getting that bed hair. But so many people freak out and sneak out and don’t come back with coffee.
figleaf
the appealing after workout factor is true. one of my gay male friends says he often gets hit on after yoga, because of his yoga glow…
It doesn’t really surprise me that most men find women more attractive when they are less dolled up. Most of the guys I know could care less about clothes, hair, toenails, and eyebrows. Every boyfriend I have ever had tells me that there is no real difference in how pretty he thinks I am when I am wearing makeup or bare-faced. Men have completely different interests, I think.
I feel that women dress up more to fit into society or outdo other women. Throughout society, women have dressed according to their social class. That’s what apparel is, a representation of your budget.
In addition, most women have self-esteem issues. Therefore, they put on make-up thinking they are doing so to attract another, when most are subconsciously hiding their own insecurities.
I can personally say that even though I understand these things, I fall prey to it every day. I love my cute summer dresses and my Paul Mitchell hair products. I love the “right out of the salon” hair do that brightens my day. Maybe we should stop spending money on buying self-esteem instead of developing it, and stop representing our social class through our apparel. Honestly, though, I don’t think the world is ready for it.
Sorry I wrote such a long response, lol, hadn’t planned on it!!! I love your blogs and your an amazing writer!!!
hi
that is right on what you said about women dressing to express their class level. take coach bags for example.
some women carry them who can really afford them, and some carry them who can’t, just to appear that they can.
it seems so desparate. i tend no to wear labels, but if someone gave me a marc jabobs purse-it would be hard to turn down because they are so well made;)
btw, i find most men at least like (on a woman) some tinted moisturizer and lip balm-a pretty look without trying to hard. most men hate lipstick all over their faces from a kiss!