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Archive for September, 2010

Curves? Lose ‘em If You Want a Husband

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 27, 2010 | 21 Comments »

Well, I’m screwed again.  Apparently, I am so not getting remarried.  In fact, I can’t believe I even managed to walk the aisle the first time around. The University of Texas has released a report suggesting the romantic lives of curvaceous women are destined to revolve around one-night stands, extramarital affairs and general whoredom.  After [...]

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Oh, Won’t Some World Leader Make Me His Muse?

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 19, 2010 | 3 Comments »

If I crossed paths with the devil and he asked for my soul, I should give it to him only if he made me the greatest writer who ever lived.  But I have a hunch I might ask ol’ Lucifer to make me the greatest lover instead. See, when I read about Jonathan Franzen’s elevation to literary sainthood, there’s [...]

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Pity, You’d Look Delicious in a Rope Dress

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2010 | 9 Comments »

If only my friend Maria dug bondage, she’d have boyfriends coming out of her ears. In three months of dating online, Maria has been asked by a stranger if she likes spankings and watched a man whip out his johnson, unsolicited, in the midst of a conversation on Skype. The kicker was a guy Maria [...]

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Will Date for Money

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , on September 6, 2010 | 9 Comments »

So, there’s a handsome guy sitting a few seats away from me on the subway.  He’s got a polished, suited up Javier Bardem look about him.  At the station, the man steps off the train, follows me up the escalator and tells me in gorgeously accented English, “your hair is beautiful.”  He says he’s from [...]

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