When you have a blog, you can see the key words people type into search engines that lead them to your site. Recently, I discovered someone had Googled, “hot women passionate about Jesus,” and ended up with me.
Strange, because I’ve never written about the man and don’t consider myself very religious. I’m more of an over-philosophizing, crystal collecting spiritualist than a God-fearing church goer. But I dig Jesus. Mind you, Last Temptation of Christ Jesus. Not FOX News Jesus.
In fact, I think everyone should dig Jesus. We may live in barbarous, blasphemous times with all kinds of fundamentalist cuckoos fighting for control over our lives and minds. But poor Jesus has nothing to do with any of that baloney.
I imagine him as this handsome fellow roaming the land of Israel like an existential hippie. A psychologically tortured but sensitive man, he saw how gorgeous the world can be, how gracious life is, how sensual are the pleasures on hand. But he also knew how cruel people are to each other, how brutal the trials of existence, how tempting it is to do wrong. I imagine people gathered around him because he gave meaning to their struggle, comforted them within the chaos of life and roused their desire to be happy and good.
Jesus as a person wasn’t always so interesting to me. I’m from one of those Protestant families who would only go to church on Christmas then just stopped bothering altogether unless there was a funeral or wedding. Mostly, I’ve depended on theorists and poets to help me figure out the meaning of life. But I once took a trip to San Sebastian, Spain, where they have one of those gigantic statues of Christ standing on a mountaintop with outstretched hands. For some inexplicable reason, I needed to see him up close. My pilgrimage took a mere twenty minutes, but I was transformed. It felt good to be sitting beneath him. I felt protected up there on a mountain overlooking the vast sea, wishing I lived in a world where love was the root of all things.
What would Jesus think of our world today? I think he’d want us to enjoy sex, to make art instead of money, to allow ourselves the overwhelming doubt that we’re here for a reason. He probably wouldn’t support our wars or decide boys were only allowed to marry girls or laugh at reality television.
Sometimes when my friends are complaining about some love interest who doesn’t call enough, or judging a new partner based on some arbitrary set of requirements, or contemplating cheating on a spouse because he or she doesn’t pay enough attention, I wonder what Jesus would say if he were writing a blog. I bet he’d tell us to value our time and each other and stop triflin’.
During this hour of mystical pondering triggered by the Google search to my blog, I hadn’t really thought about how the words, “hot women passionate about Jesus,” could come together in the same search. Then I had a startling revelation. The Googler was probably some dude looking for just that: “hot women [who are] passionate about Jesus.” What did he want with these women? Was he looking for Christian porn? Was he a born again, too, who wanted some nasty girl who loved Jesus as much as he did? Do they make those kinds of girls? Or was he a heathen who only wanted to debase some innocent child of God? Here I was contemplating the universe, all because of some horn dog looking for sexy Jesus freaks to shag.
So much for revelation.