Monica was this hot mama sex goddess I used to work with serving cocktails in college. Slinky as a feline, she was nearly six feet tall with curves galore. She had flawless skin, a magnificent, traffic-stopping face and a personality as colorful as the Bobbi Brown eye shadow she used to drop the cherry on the sundae of her magnetic appeal. Monica was ravishing enough to date famous athletes, businessmen pulling down six figures and local actors on their way to becoming Hollywood B-listers. If anyone would’ve ended up sipping daiquiris by the pool of some handsome millionaire’s mansion, it was Monica.
Recently, Monica popped up as a friend of a friend on Facebook, so I clicked on her page. She was gorgeous as ever and though I wasn’t shocked to discover she hadn’t become some Tinseltown trophy wife, I was surprised to see photos of the man she married. The guy was goofy looking, a squat little pudgeball. And no Mr. Moneybags was he, as Monica’s other half apparently lived a quiet though comfortable life as the owner of a small electronics company. But there was one huge difference about the look in her husband’s eye as he cast his gaze upon my old friend, as opposed to the more extraordinary men I’d once seen her with – this guy completely worshipped her.
Monica is one of a slew of foxy female friends who used to date bad boys, sexy studs and all around pricks until they finally settled down with a man who actually liked them. Maybe these guys don’t look like movie stars or take their women on masochistic joy rides filled with broken promises and non-commitment. But they do treat their gals with some semblance of respect. Seems some good guys get the girl in the end.
This week, the University of Nottingham in the UK proved it by releasing a study on the qualities women value in potential mates. The research suggests ladies used to dig grit and brawn because men needed to feed and defend the brood. Nowadays, characteristics like “selflessness and empathy” are valued because women want men who will take an active and caring role in raising children. I wouldn’t be surprised if our desire to have relationships rooted in mutual understanding and kindness had something to do with what lures us, as well.
The best news is these nice guys aren’t faking it. The qualities are now part of their genetic makeup. Score.
I’m starting to get it. Man, it’s taken me a while, but finally something meaningful has clicked. I’ve spent years pining for the “magic” of edgier dudes, the fantastic dramas their childish self-absorption wreaks in relationships, the post-rejection desperation I confused for love.
Then along came a man who was able to tear his gaze away from his own reflection long enough to notice me. A man who cared about and even wanted to meet my needs. A man who was just plain nice to me. The sense of wellbeing I felt sharing his life, after years of being an afterthought to other dudes, was like touching solid ground after a ten-hour flight through a hailstorm. And lucky me, he also happened to be one of the sexiest men I’d met in ages.
When a guy’s the center of his own universe, any lady friend may have trouble finding a cozy place in which to fit alongside him. As I get older, I notice lots of the sexy flake dudes I’ve known are either hopelessly single or in tragically dysfunctional romances rife with infidelity and confidence-killing cruelty. Nice guys, at least those with some depth, don’t offer relationships devoid of theatrics and challenges. They just consider it part and parcel to relating and don’t rush out into the world feeding their own egos with bullshit.
And for that, they totally deserve to get the girl.