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Archive for July, 2011

Until Next Time…

Goodbyes used to be easy for me.  Endings meant new beginnings, and I’ve always thrived on discovering the new.  The folks who’ve meant the most to me have always stayed in my life in some way, even if only through letters and phone calls.  Leaving situations I liked, jobs for instance, was tough sometimes, but I always knew exhilarating change was on the horizon.

But as I get older, goodbyes have become more difficult.  New beginnings still follow endings, but I’m having more trouble leaving behind the good parts of my life; maybe because as I mature, I’m bringing more meaningful activities into my life and loving people more deeply.

This blog has been one of my more meaningful ventures and I have been introduced to some amazing people through it.  But it is time to say goodbye.  At least, for now.

I started Tart and Soul more than two years ago in an effort to market myself as a writer.  My agent was shopping around a novel, branded “women’s commercial fiction,” and I thought a blog focusing on relationships would help build my platform.  The blog soon became much more than that.  Writing these posts helped me sort out challenges in my personal life and in the lives of my friends.  It helped me navigate a sometimes bizarre, often cruel, often inspiring popular culture and gave me an opportunity to express myself and be heard.

Even more importantly, I’ve heard from my readers, a bunch of smart, thoughtful, funny, fantastic folks.  Reading their comments and getting their letters has been as enriching to me as writing these posts.

Unfortunately, my agent was unable to sell my novel to publishers.  The upside to this disappointing news was realizing I now had the opportunity to return to my real love as a writer: literary fiction.  Last year, I applied to grad school and have just begun a Creative Writing MFA program.  I am madly in love with this program because in it, I’m getting back to myself as a creative writer and a critical reader of great literature.

But as you can imagine, grad school doesn’t leave much time for anything else.  As much as I enjoy writing the blog and hearing from my readers, now is the time to buckle down, do my schoolwork and write another novel.  The fact that I haven’t been able to post this goodbye note in four weeks should speak to how busy I am.  Although, I am happy to admit there’s no greater feeling than being busy as hell doing something you love.

You will hear from me again – there will be books, articles, and perhaps even a return to this blog, Tart and Soul.  In the mean time, please keep in touch by following me on Twitter and liking my author’s page on Facebook.  If I start the blog up again, you’ll hear about it there:

Twitter: @lkwarrell – link here

Facebook: LK Warrell Author – link here

I will miss Tart and Soul and all of my readers.  Thank you so much for your support.  It means the world.

Until next time…

[Image from tanigami.tumblr.com]

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A few men I’ve dated have gone on to become minimally to somewhat famous.  The other day, I was watching CNN and up popped an attorney I had dinner with a few times before unceremoniously dumping.  It was right after my divorce, I just couldn’t “do” a relationship.  Now, the guy’s got his own show.

Largely, my marginally well-known exes are comedians.  When I was in college, I worked at a comedy club and so, like many of my waitressing colleagues, enjoyed the opportunity to be romanced by overly ambitious funnymen.  These days, I see lots of them waxing philosophic on those VH1 countdown shows or starring in their own thirty-minute Comedy Central standup showcases.  One comic I dated was “this close” to hitting it super big in the ‘00s while another became a stadium-sized rock star blazing through the comedy stratosphere.  There was even a moment with an Oscar winner.

Really, I’m not bragging.  Quite the contrary.  When I see these guys on television or in movies, two defeatist thoughts surface in my mind:

Should I have stuck with one of them?  And two, am I a big loser?

I’ve been mostly happy with my romantic life.  I’ve had a marriage, a fairly lengthy string of hearty romances and one or two true loves.  But I wonder if a more ambitious partner might have helped me achieve some of my professional goals.  Maybe he would’ve turned up the dial even more on my own ambition.  The more excruciating question is whether or not I’m a big loser for not having achieved these goals on my own.  Some women would feel fantastic knowing they were once the cat’s meow for men marvelous enough to reach some level of national acclaim.  But when you’re the kind of gal whose identity is pumped up by her own successes, and not those of her other half, it’s challenging to feel anything but envy when an ex’s mug is all over CNN.

But really, I didn’t choose the lawyer or any of these men because we just didn’t connect.  Thus, I should wish these fellas a silent good luck and be on my merry way.

I guess, like every freakin’ lesson in life, this has nothing to do with other people and everything to do with me.  I feel envy because of what’s missing in my world and it’s all up to me to find and fix it.  I know “it” has something to do with carving out my own little place on the cultural landscape.  Presumably, the challenge is not to look up so much to see what everyone else is doing.

So, I’ll stick to my real loves and true connections, and continue working toward my goals in my less than Type-A fashion.  And if I ever need to wonder ‘what if,’ I’ll just turn on the TV.

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